The Deserving
by esmeralda312
Summary: After Stefan breaks up with Elena, he decides to escape the stifling drama of the town for a while. Worried for her friend and facing her own demons, Bonnie goes with him. Unfortunately, you can run but you can't quite hide from Mystic Falls. My first fanfic ever, please be gentle! Takes place after 4x06. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first foray into fanfiction of any kind, so if you hate it could you please pretend to not hate it? That would be awesome, thank you!**

**Bamon is my OTP, but given the places the show is going now, I ended up falling into Stefonnie with this fic somehow. I really hope you enjoy, please R&R!**

******ps - Google the leaf-tailed gecko at your own risk. You've been warned!**

* * *

Mist spread thick over the driveway behind her as she stood on his doorstep. His eyes were caught in the delicate eddies and swirls drifting through the darkness until she caught his attention again.

"Stefan?"

"Sorry, hi Bonnie. It's late, is something wrong?"

She shifted her weight nervously. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

His mouth set in a tense straight line, and he stepped aside, allowing her to walk into the empty boardinghouse. He closed the door, and they stood in the foyer silently. He studied the rug.

He finally looked up from the floor to find her watching him. She strode two steps forward and threw her arms around his shoulders.

Just weeks ago the situation had been entirely reversed, and she remembered crying into his chest as he wrapped his arms comfortingly around her inside the front door of her own house. He'd been the only one to even notice the pain she was drowning in.

He remembered too. She felt his body relax against her embrace.

Later, they sat wordlessly in the parlor, the lavish room lit by restless flames dancing in the fireplace. The silence was heavy but not awkward. She knew he wasn't ready to talk.

It had only been a few days since he'd brokenheartedly disentangled himself from the twisted love triangle that had ensnared his brother, Elena and himself. Bonnie had been quietly impressed as Elena tearfully relayed that he'd said he just couldn't do it anymore.

She loved her best friend, her sister. But the cycle of hurt was too destructive, and she felt that each one of the trio deserved better than the mire they were sinking into. It seemed right somehow that Stefan would be the one to finally break the pattern. Elena's heart was so big, but she was still just a teenager who saw the world for what it could be for her rather than what it was. An immortal teenager now, but a teenager all the same.

And Damon was... Damon. An impulsive, broken, capricious vampire. Yoked to love no matter how it chafed. An immortal teenager in his own way, though in Bonnie's opinion he had far less right to be.

She shook her head, watching her friend as he stared morosely into the fire. No, it had to be him. He sacrificed the happiness he should have had, knowing it would give his loved ones a chance, knowing that otherwise none of them could have it.

Bonnie knew about sacrifice, she knew about should-have-hads.

His words shattered the silence. "I have to get out of here."

"Where will you go?" Her brow furrowed.

He shrugged. Her fingers twisted in the tassels of one of the throw pillows.

"I want to go with you."

His head whipped towards her. "What, why?"

She gazed at him steadily. "You aren't the only one who needs to get away." Plus, a troubled Stefan was a dangerous Stefan, so she needed him to not feel desperately alone. She kept the latter to herself.

He nodded, his eyes glazing over in thought. "Have you ever been to DC?"

NNNNNNNN

He shifted his weight, pulling her slight frame more tightly against him as her fingers lay upon his bare chest. Pale beams from the streetlamps outside filtered through the curtains and into the darkness of the room.

Three days. Three days since his baby brother for once made his own choice rather than deferring to Elena. Three days and they tumbled into her bed with abandon, almost carelessly.

Now he envisioned his brother, sitting alone in the boardinghouse. After his attempt at comforting Stefan had been thrown bitterly back in his face, Damon had taken to avoiding the place entirely.

For the first time in over a century, he knew with clarity that he wanted to bring his brother relief rather than misery. But he felt trapped by the knowledge that he was the last one who could help his brother through his hurt. And in the dimly lit afterglow of his latest tryst with his brother's ex-girlfriend, he knew for certain that he was only good for compounding that hurt after all.

Some dark sensation wriggled in his gut like an angry worm. Was it guilt? Fear? He couldn't tell.

Elena didn't know what she'd been expecting. This was reckless Damon who never failed to sweep her off her feet, even when she had done her best to make it clear she wouldn't be lost to his ardent deluge. She had always imagined that if she'd allowed it, she and Damon could be consumed in their insatiable, unobtainable love for each other. But this wasn't that. This was tinged in something else... something solid and real and, frankly, painful.

She had always imagined the consummation of so much passion would be something truly epic. Now that word slammed into her with a contorted violence, a wrathful knot forming in her throat. _It was epic, but then the sun came up._

She pretended she couldn't feel the regret that crept into her unbeating heart.

"I love you, Damon." Her breath was light against his skin.

It was her first time saying the words to him. He smiled and shifted again, pressing his lips to her temple. "I love you."

NNNNNNNN

"Holy shit!"

She flipped around to face him, alarmed at his outburst. Her curls fanned around her for a brief moment. He stood with his face nearly pressed against the glass, peering into one of the brightly lit habitats of the reptile house.

"Okay, that's the creepiest thing I've ever seen."

She moved to stand behind him and laughed. "Good lord, what the hell is that?"

He pointed to the placard riveted beneath the plexiglas. "Leaf-tailed gecko, _Uroplatus phantasticus_."

She stared at the creature in question. The brown, scaled skin was mottled and scalloped and unmoving. It was stuck to the wall inside the habitat, staring back at her eerily with cloudy, pupilless eyes. "I think it's looking at me..." She tried to look away.

A few moments passed, and Stefan glanced at his friend who was clearly entranced in her horror. With a ferocious, impulsive speed, he grabbed her sides and shook her. "Boo!"

People turned to stare as she screamed, her gaze finally broken. The gecko didn't move at all. She slapped Stefan's shoulder with another laugh. "You're terrible. Let's go see the otters again, they're way less likely to haunt my nightmares."

He shrugged, and she smiled as he grinned. "You never know, they do have those vicious little teeth." They strode out of the building together.

The National Zoo was blocks from the apartment he'd rented, and they'd taken to walking through its winding paths and dim buildings nearly every day. In the quiet of sun-kissed weekday afternoons, after the throngs of schoolchildren crowded back onto their buses, they explored every inch of the sprawling place.

She liked to make unflattering comparisons of his mug to the gorillas, and he liked that the sea lions always cried in loud annoying barks when she turned to walk away.

Five months had passed since their escape from Mystic Falls. They were staying in a one-bedroom apartment in the heart of DC. He had graciously allowed her the bedroom while he slept on a futon in the living room. The place was small but cozy, its tall windows draped in soft green cotton that pooled onto the layered cream rugs covering the wooden floor.

That was all Bonnie's doing, of course. Stefan hadn't cared for furnishings or much of anything else when they'd first arrived. Still, there was something about it that he grew to depend on, drawing a kind of comfort from the soft glow of sunlight gathering behind the subtly feminine hues as he opened his eyes each morning.

Bonnie had been on edge herself in the beginning. She found that she had grown accustomed to violence and loss lurking around every corner. Lazy summer days of walking to get frozen yogurt and lounging about their apartment were strange and suspicious at first. She watched Stefan for any sign of slipping into his old Ripper persona, but her fears were never realized.

One night they sat together on the futon, covered in her blanket as her legs rested across his lap. On the television, Colbert danced across the screen towards his interview of the evening, and Stefan laughed as she'd noticed he did every night. She turned to regard him as he was engrossed in Paul Krugman trying to talk substance about economic policy while jumping through Colbert's flippant hoops. At the next commercial break, she spoke.

"Why didn't you turn it off this time?"

He turned to her. "Turn what off?"

"The humanity switch Damon was always talking about. Why not tune out the pain this time? Seems like it would have been pretty tempting."

He looked down at his hands, tapping rhythms over the blanket onto her legs. "Because I knew it was right." He finally said, quietly.

He looked at her again. "It hurts like hell, still. I miss her. But it was my choice and I made it for the right reasons, and I have that to hold on to."

"And to be honest, I was starting to scare myself. It seemed like every time Elena needed saving, I was willing to give up more and more. Like it gradually eroded away my ability to care about anyone else."

His fingertips continued to dance over the blanket mindlessly.

"You know when Elena was hallucinating... I was ready to turn somebody just so we could have a vampire for Jeremy to kill. Some innocent human, and I wouldn't have blinked. And killing Chris wasn't any better, was it? After all he did to help us... We did what we had to, but he's still dead. That's on me, and that's never been who I am. It was kind of an awakening in its own way."

She nodded in silent understanding. She looked up as his fingers stopped their tapping.

"Besides, I have you here with me." He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling kindly. "You have no idea how much you've helped me just by being here. I can't even begin to thank you, Bonnie."

She smiled back and scooted towards him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. "Guess you'll just have to owe me one."

"Guess so." He grinned into her chocolate curls, returning the hug.

She pulled out of his arms and stood to bid him goodnight. They had a long day planned for the next morning, playing tourists and taking the metro down to the mall to spend time at some DC's countless museums.

Lying in bed later, she was surprised to realize just how much she was at peace. She felt like a normal girl, almost, despite the vampire sleeping in the next room. Or maybe because of the vampire sleeping in the next room? She hadn't felt this way in such a long time, and a wave of gratitude washed over her as her limbs grew heavy with sleep.

NNNNNNNN

"God, Elena, are you serious?"

Tears streaked her luminous face, her usually soft doe eyes puffy and red. "I can't lose them, Damon! I'm losing them, and I just can't!"

He ran his hand through his dark hair in agitation. "You're being childish."

Her eyes widened and he knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Well _excuse me _for caring about them. What if they never come back, would you even notice? He's your brother, Damon! I thought even you couldn't be that selfish."

He flinched.

She saw his reaction and softened. "I didn't mean that. Just... forget it, this whole thing was a mistake." She turned and walked out of the room. Moments later, he heard the front door slam.

He collapsed onto the sofa with a sigh. Five months they'd been gone now. Elena wanted to go to DC, to go there and convince them to come home.

He knew that Caroline was getting regular updates from Bonnie. He knew that Bonnie sent somewhat less frequent emails to Elena to let her know that she and Stefan were safe and not to worry. He also knew that Stefan hadn't returned a single email or phone call from either of them.

He knew that he and Elena wouldn't be welcome there, and that his brother and the witch would come back to Mystic Falls whenever they damn well got over themselves and felt like it.

What he didn't know was why Elena was so desperately and willfully ignorant of all of these things. Why she felt that her presence would cause anything but pain to his brother. But then maybe he knew the why of that too.

NNNNNNNN

Bonnie chatted pleasantly with the woman at the cash register of the gift shop. Stefan watched as she paid for what appeared to be a bag of multi-colored gravel.

The American Indian museum was vast. Four floors of exhibits and a theatre. They'd meant to visit three more museums that day, but by the time they made their way to the gift shop it was already late afternoon. He'd spent twenty solid minutes, at least, standing in front of a wall of figurines of various sizes, bulbous human features carved into wood and clay and gold. The collection encompassed different cultures, different time periods, all arranged in an undulating pattern of waves by size alone. It was entrancing.

Her favorite part had been the exhibit on the effect of Horses on American Indian cultures. She pushed every one of the buttons of each display, playing recordings of the word "horse" in various languages and watching videos of women beading intricate saddle blankets.

She told him that she thought that the hard, hollowed saddles must have been uncomfortable to sit in, imagining wedging herself into one. She admitted that she'd never ridden a horse though, so she wasn't much of an expert on saddles. He replied that he had, and she was right that these didn't look very comfortable. She laughed then, her mind conjuring a human Stefan sitting haughtily atop a prancing horse. He rolled his eyes affably, knowing what she must be picturing.

"So what are the little rocks for?" he asked as they sat outside on a concrete ledge that curved across the front of the museum.

She grinned knowingly. "Well we skipped lunch, you know."

He raised an eyebrow as she scooped a handful of the gravel and tossed it into her mouth, crunching away with abandon. She was clearly amused by his confusion.

She offered him a blue stone, speckled with gold. He watched her suspiciously and put it in his mouth, chewing cautiously.

It was candy covered chocolate. She grinned again.

He remembered the ghostly shell of the girl he'd embraced months ago and couldn't help but compare her to the rejuvenated creature grinning at him now. "You seem really happy, Bon. It's nice to see you happy."

She smiled at him again, feeling a blush creeping up her neck and across her cheeks.

His phone rang, and he ducked his head to check the caller ID. Elena. In a flash he considered his conversation with Bonnie from the night before. Maybe he was in a place now where it would be okay to talk to her again. He still missed her, but maybe it would be okay.

She watched him curiously.

"I should... I should take this. Gimme a minute?"

She nodded as he stood and walked a short distance away.

"Hi Elena," he said, putting the phone to his ear.

"Stefan," Elena breathed on the other end of the line. "I didn't think you would pick up."

"How are you?" he asked, his voice placid.

"I'm - I'm fine. I miss you so much. When are you coming home?"

He was silent for a moment. He didn't know what he'd been expecting her to say, but that wasn't it. "We haven't really made any firm plans..."

"You and Bonnie?" her voice was tight. "Are you guys...?"

He shook his head as if she could see him. "No no no... But what would it m-"

She cut him off and blurted out, "I never should have let you leave, Stefan. Please come home."

He knew she was crying. "What about Damon?" he asked quietly.

"I never should have let my feelings for Damon get between us, it was a mistake."

"You still have feelings for him then?"

She paused, and he could envision her wince. "Damon's a selfish ass, and I was wrong to think there was something between us," she said finally.

He paced back and forth as his mind processed her words. "You two fought, didn't you?"

"That's not impor-"

"You had a fight with your boyfriend, and you're calling me because you're upset with him?" The way he said it, it didn't sound like a question

"Stefan, I - "

"Just don't call me anymore, Elena." He hung up the phone.

NNNNNNNN

He felt guilty immediately afterwards. He wondered if he'd jumped to the wrong conclusion about Elena and Damon. If he'd shut the door on her when he shouldn't have. If he'd lost the one last chance he'd had to feel the way she used to make him feel.

Bonnie tried to get him to talk about his conversation with Elena, but he wouldn't. He sat stoic and silent on the metro and strode back to their apartment as she jogged to keep up. She was worried, his grief had changed somehow.

When she walked into the living room after her shower and found it empty, she knew something was wrong. He wasn't answering his phone.

She pulled a jacket on over her tank top and shorts and rushed out of the apartment.

She found him across town, fangs buried deep into the neck of a dazed girl, her back pressed against the brick wall of the alley. He hit the ground hard as wave after wave of the witch's aneurysms burst through his skull. She was filled with guilt as she dressed the compelled woman's wound and sent her home.

She turned to face the unconscious vampire with her hands on her hips. She should have seen this coming.

Things were never meant to be peaceful. Not for her.

NNNNNNNN

Stefan woke the next morning, draped unceremoniously across the futon, fully clothed. He groaned, wincing against the sunlight pouring into the room.

Bonnie was asleep in the chair across the room. Her head rested uncomfortably on her knees, which were tucked up against her chest. He heard her pulse, slow and steady. He could swear he felt the warm buzz of the magic-laced blood coursing beneath her skin.

He ran for the door, throwing it open. He crashed hard against an invisible barrier, bouncing back onto his ass on the wooden floor of the living room.

"I can't let you hurt anyone else." Bonnie's voice was ragged and tired behind him.

He exhaled impatiently as his eyes rolled to the ceiling. "Let me out of here, Bonnie."

He heard her shake her head and turned around. "I don't think you get it. I'm _hungry_ and you smell _delicious_. Drop the spell."

"No."

He lunged at her, fangs extended. He made it halfway across the room before finding himself collapsed on the rug, writhing in indescribable pain.

She dropped her palm and ceased the aneurysms once his eyes were back to normal. "You can't hurt me. And you can't hurt anyone else. You're stronger than this, Stefan."

He gave a short, cruel laugh.

She walked past him and into her bedroom. "The barrier spell won't let you in here, so don't bother. There are still bottles of animal blood from before in the fridge." She closed the door.

NNNNNNNN

She didn't leave her bedroom again until the evening. She spent most of the day with her ear buds in, listening to music to drown out his incensed yelling. At one point the sound of glass shattering pierced through the melody, and she knew he'd thrown some of the animal blood at her door.

She was glad she'd added a sound-proofing charm to the barrier spell, or some unlucky neighbor would have surely come knocking.

When she finally stepped out, the place was a mess. Half of the curtains were torn down, and as she expected, splattered blood coated her bedroom door. She carefully stepped over the shards of broken glass. She finally saw him sitting on the floor, leaning against the side of the futon and staring at the wall.

She grabbed an apple from the counter and sat in the chair facing him. They sat in silence as she bit into the crisp flesh of the fruit.

"You didn't drink any of the animal blood?" she finally asked.

He remained silent.

She shrugged and reached for the remote off of the coffee table, noticing a large crack traveling along its wooden top. She said nothing of it.

The TV flared to life as a booming voice proclaimed the date and jovially followed with "_This_is the Daily Show!"

Stefan continued to stare at the wall.

Days passed in this way, with the only change each day being where Stefan sat in the room and what he stared listlessly at.

Bonnie eventually ran out of fruit and ready-made snacks to eat and instead microwaved cheap mac and cheese, careful to never turn her back to him. Regardless, he never moved while she was present.

After 10 days, he was clearly emaciated. She poured a glass of the animal blood from the fridge and set it on the battered coffee table before turning on the television. Jon Stewart made a variety of indignant funny faces, but her mind was on her friend.

The vampire sat on the futon beside her, staring out the window and into the dark night.

"Stefan..." she began quietly. "Sometimes I think people like you and me aren't supposed to be happy."

Her voice was almost a whisper. "Let's face it, none of my ancestors grew old and died peacefully sleeping in their comfy beds, you know?"

He gave no indication that he could hear her.

"Maybe it's the trade-off for being powerful and having a conscience at the same time, we just can't seem to keep out of trouble. Can't seem to walk away from the things that are going to hurt us, because we feel like we have to do what we can to make things better for everybody else."

"But here's the thing. These past couple months, that's exactly what we did." She drew her legs up onto the futon and hugged her knees. "No more fighting, no more looking for the cure, no more killing ourselves and everyone else to help people who for whatever reason can't stop hurting us."

"And it's been kind of incredible, I guess. I don't know if you've felt the same freedom that I have here, but I've seen the way you've smiled lately. I know you get it somehow."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... people like us don't get that a lot. So maybe when we do, we have to cling to it. We have to remember what keeps us smiling like that, and never let it go."

"So this is me clinging to mine." She turned to face him. "Drink the blood, Stefan. Please."

When he still said nothing, she sighed. She turned off the television, stood, and made her way to her bedroom for the night, closing the door behind her.

The night was quiet. She slipped under the covers and waited for sleep to find her. She watched the reflection of headlights traveling from one end of the room to the other as cars drove past on the street outside. Their constancy was comforting somehow, lulling her.

The next morning, she found him stretched out on the futon asleep. An empty glass rested on the coffee table.

NNNNNNNN

Elena was crying again, and he wasn't sure how she did it but it still broke his heart every single time.

"I'm so sorry, Damon," she sobbed. "It's just so hard, and I keep messing everything up!"

His arms slid around her body and he pulled her close, and he peppered her hairline with soft kisses.

"I feel like such a bitch, like such a selfish bitch." Her body shuddered as another sob wracked her frame. "That's not me, you know that right?"

"Shhh," he whispered soothingly against her hair. "The transition's been rough, and with everything else... you'd be crazy to not go a little crazy."

She sniffled against his chest. "It just feels like I keep losing everyone."

His hand moved in comforting lines across her back, and he breathed a sigh of relief as her tears seemed to subside. "They'll come back. In the meantime, we're going to figure out how to get that cure."

It was perfect, a distraction and a solution wrapped up into one mysterious package. Damon wanted to believe that maybe things were finally going to start falling into place.

NNNNNNNN

Two more weeks passed. Stefan remained aloof, but eventually began to at least answer when Bonnie asked how he was feeling. She was grateful for the improvement, even if all he'd say was "Fine."

He continued to drink the animal blood. When they ran out, she made her way to the local butcher and bought cartons of pig's blood, wrinkling her nose as she lugged them back home.

Finally, one night they found themselves on the futon together again, sitting side by side. She was wrapped in a warm blanket, her legs crossed Indian-style. She breathed in slightly as he laughed, watching Stephen Colbert shimmy his way towards the evening's guest, Nas. She turned to him, unable to contain her smile.

Stefan was back.

"What?" He gave her a slight smirk and she shook her head. She scooted closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. After a moment, he wrapped his arm comfortably around her.

As Colbert finally signed off and the music played over the end credits, Stefan found his fingertips rubbing circles into the silky skin of Bonnie's arm.

His voice was soft as he breathed, "I don't deserve anything as good as you've been to me, Bonnie."

She lifted her head to look at him, a furrow creasing her brow. "You're wrong. No one deserves better than you."

His hand moved to cradle her cheek, supporting her as she looked up at him. "I can think of at least one person." His mossy eyes were locked into her emerald ones as he drew closer.

Her gaze flickered down to his lips, and she leaned up to meet them. His mouth moved softly over hers, each light kiss gently exploring the many ways they could fit together.

When they pulled apart, he rested his forehead against hers, their noses barely touching.

Her eyes fluttered open.

Inhaling sharply, she threw herself back and out of his arms. "I can't. Elena..."

He flinched. "It doesn't have anything to do with Elena."

She regretted the words before she said them, but shook her head. "She'd never forgive us, Stefan. We can't."

He didn't say anything.

She twisted her hands uncomfortably in the folds of her blanket. "I think it's time to go back."

NNNNNNNN


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, thank you for all of your reviews and to everyone who favorited and followed! I'm kind of overwhelmed, I didn't really expect anyone to be reading this, let alone so many awesome people.**

**I've also posted a couple chapters of a Bamon story I'm working on, "Tethered to the Devil," if you're into that sort of thing.**

**Thanks so much! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, there isn't as much Stefan/Bonnie interaction as I'd wanted, but the parallels of the times they aren't together were kind of interesting to me too, I guess. Either way, there'll be more next time!**

* * *

The sun hung heavy and low in the sky, its ripe glow suffusing the inside of the car with a stifling warmth. He pulled up in front of her house and turned to face her. "Look Bonnie, I…"

She didn't let him finish. "Thanks for the ride home, Stefan. I guess I'll see you around?"

He nodded, his lips set in a thin line. "Give me a call once you're all settled in, and we can hang out or something."

"Sure, definitely."

He got out of the car to help her carry her luggage, but she shook her head and grabbed her bags with both arms. "I'm fine, thanks." She turned and walked towards the house, not looking back.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

The afternoon sun shone through the glass of the front door. Bonnie dumped her bags in the entryway, having noticed a familiar car in the driveway. Her curls bounced wildly as she ran into the kitchen. "Daddy! You're home!"

Mr. Bennett chuckled. "So're you, baby. I thought you were going to be gone for a few more months."

Bonnie gave her father a tight hug and he patted her back affectionately. "Something came up, we figured we'd come home a little early. Besides, I missed you too much."

He released her from her hug. "Now what did I ever do to deserve such a sweet girl?" He clucked his tongue with a sly smile.

She shrugged and gave him a wink.

She was truly surprised to see him there, given how often he was away on his business trips. Anytime he did happen to be home, she tried her best to command as much of his attention as possible, though even when present her father was inattentive at best.

She knew he loved her. At the same time, Bonnie realized that craving the attention of her father was fighting a losing battle. But then so was practically everything else she ever wanted. It seemed fitting, almost. And yet that also made the rare moments that she had with him all the more special, she decided.

His voice pulled her out of her thoughts. "So did you and Caroline paint the capitol red?"

She blushed, remembering her lie. She had told him that she and Caroline were taking a year off to travel and research colleges. He'd readily assented, telling her to do what made her happy and offering her his credit card for the expenses of the trip. This was another consequence of having a mostly absent parental figure.

"Oh you know us, Dad. They didn't know what him 'em."

"That's my girl." He smiled, his eyes flicking back to the newspaper on the table.

"We saw Georgetown, it was pretty nice," she started.

He didn't look up again from the paper. "That's great, sweetheart," he said distractedly.

Her lips stretched into a tense smile. "I better go unpack," she muttered, not bothering to wait for his nod before turning around and walking back to the entryway for her bags.

It was for the best that he didn't care, honestly. She and Stefan had only walked through part of Georgetown while looking for an Indian fusion restaurant that had been recommended on Yelp. If her father had asked many questions, she would have found herself quickly stumped.

The truth was that Bonnie couldn't really see the point in researching schools. Her magic was her main focus, and some nagging part of her knew that that focus would cost her the kind of normalcy that she sometimes longed for. Some days she wondered if she could drop the whole Bennett witch thing and just be another nameless student at some university or other. Some days she thought it would be a miracle if she even lived long enough to graduate from college.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

"Are you listening to me, Damon?" Her hands were on her hips and her glare told him that this was a Very Serious Moment.

They'd been having a lot of those, he thought.

"Of course I'm listening. How could I not listen when you're talking about Caroline? You know how much Blondie fascinates me," he drawled with a smirk.

"I'm serious! This is important to me, it should matter to you too."

He sauntered closer to her, sliding his arms around her waist. Her hands moved from her hips and onto his arms. He leaned forward so that his lips brushed her cheek. "You know it matters, Elena. You're the most important thing in the world to me."

He felt her sigh, her warm breath tickling his neck pleasantly. He kissed the corner of her mouth as she spoke again.

"I know you care, Damon. I just wish you could show it as well as you can say it."

And there it is, he thought. She was still trying to turn him into Stefan, trying to transform him into the better man. He knew the road these thoughts would take him down, and he decided to bury them instead.

"Oh, I can show it," he told her. He crashed his lips into hers, and relief flooded through him as she kissed him back.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Her scent was everywhere. He stood on the front stoop, and she surrounded him before he'd even opened the door. He remembered the scent with a visceral tug, his mind instantly conjuring the sensation of the last time he nuzzled against the crook of her neck.

When he finally opened the door, he saw more evidence of her presence. Her jacket was thrown over the arm of one of the chairs in the foyer. Her keys lay splayed across the top of the credenza. Two glasses of blood sat on the table in the parlor.

"Mmm, Damon..."

The moan was muffled, but his vampiric hearing had no trouble discerning every syllable. He couldn't do this.

He strode back out the front door, allowing it to slam behind him.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

She startled in his arms, hearing the front door close as loudly as if she'd been standing before it. "Did you hear that? Are you expecting someone?"

He captured her lips against his again. Of course he'd heard that, but he was not interested in the encyclopedia salesmen or Jehovah's witnesses or girl scouts or whoever else was stupid enough to stand at his doorstep at that moment.

She pushed out of his arms, her head cocked as she listened intently. "Who was that?"

He groaned, trying to pull her back to him but finding her grip firm. Damn vampire strength, it was way more convenient when he was the only one who had it.

"It's probably just Caroline, here for your latest lesson in bloodsucking," he finally sighed.

Her eyes flashed angrily and she shoved him away. "You have got to be kidding me!"

He arched an eyebrow at her. "What'd I do now?"

"If you'd been paying any attention at all, _Damon_, you'd have known that Caroline told me today that our lessons weren't working out." She began gathering her discarded blouse and jacket, slipping them on as Damon winced.

"I'm still completely terrible at this vampire thing, and now I'm losing my friends over it. It's just so nice to have your support in this difficult time," she said bitterly, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

He said nothing as she stormed out.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

He sat in Damon's spot at the bar of the Grill, slouched over and staring morosely into his glass. He hadn't meant to sit in his brother's usual seat, but it seemed appropriate once he realized that he had. If his brother was going to take over his life, he might as well return the favor.

He didn't want to think about Elena or Damon or Elena and Damon. Especially not the last one.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Bonnie's number. After ringing for what seemed an eternity, it finally went to voicemail. He hung up.

He hadn't meant to kiss her. Part of him didn't regret that he did, not even a little, but the rest of him was being pulled down by undertow.

He remembered the sound of Elena's voice at the boardinghouse, ragged and lusty. Why shouldn't he be moving on when she so clearly had? And wouldn't it be some sort of poetic justice really if he moved on with her best friend, her sister, if she was fucking his brother?

His rage was palpable, an unforgiving knot clenching at the base of his throat.

But that was reason enough to regret his actions with Bonnie. Bonnie deserved better than some guy who was hung up on her best friend and putting moves on her out of spite. He messed up, and now she was avoiding him.

He gulped down his drink and slammed the tumbler down on the bar.

"Easy on the glassware there, buddy," a voice called out affably. Matt stood on the other side of the bar with a smile. Stefan was taken slightly aback as he looked up at him. The once hale quarterback appeared to be wan and tired, his pale blue eyes sunken into his drawn face.

Stefan gave him a tense smile. "Hey, Matt. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Matt grinned, his mirth seeming entirely out of place on his pallid features. "Yeah, how was DC? Caroline said you guys were having a good time."

"It was great, yeah." A sincere smile crossed his face then. "It was good to get away, but you've got to come home sometime, right?

"That sounds about right." Matt was still grinning as he wiped down the bar.

"So how're things with you, Matt?"

"Well you know how it is, everything changes but everything stays the same around here. I'm just glad the football scholarship panned out." He leaned against the bar with a modest grin.

"Caroline told Bonnie and Bonnie told me. UVA, right? That's awesome, Matt, congrats." Stefan swirled his glass, causing the chunks of ice within to spin dizzily.

"Yeah man, thanks. I don't know what Elena will do once I move in the fall, though." His voice grew tense as he finished the sentence and realized what he'd said.

"What do you mean?" Stefan was careful to sound nonchalant.

Matt was glad that Stefan seemed alright with talking about her. "Well she's still drinking my blood, she can't keep the other stuff down, remember?"

"Still?" Stefan frowned as Matt nodded, and a familiar pang of worry filtered through his mind. Maybe he could compel someone else to be willing to provide blood for her after Matt left.

He shook his head, almost laughing at how easily he was able to fall back into Save Elena mode. Let Damon take care of that then, he thought bitterly.

"Hey, I'm sorry to ask this, but is there any chance I could crash at your place? The boardinghouse is a little… crowded." Stefan smiled sheepishly as he changed the subject.

Matt looked apologetic. "Sorry Stefan, I'm actually living at the Gilberts' house right now."

Stefan raised an eyebrow.

"Jeremy's been having weird nightmares about killing vampires. About killing Elena, I guess… so we figured I could keep an eye on him while she stays at your place."

"My place, right," Stefan nodded absentmindedly.

"Sorry, man. I could ask Jeremy if he'd mind if you crashed with us, but then we're back at square one with the whole vampire living with a vampire killer thing." The blond gave him a weak smile.

"No, that's okay. Thanks though, Matt."

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Her father left that evening for his latest business trip, kissing her on the cheek and promising to call every weekend.

She wasn't surprised, not really.

She stared at the small stuffed penguin as it sat motionless on a shelf on the other side of the room. Its beady eyes seemed almost to be laughing at her.

"Wow, I'm really losing it." She rubbed her eyes.

Stefan had bought the plush for her on their final trip to the National Zoo, slipping into the gift shop when she wasn't paying attention and surprising her with it as they walked back to their apartment.

Her fingertips brushed her lips as she remembered the night they'd kissed.

She was horrified when she considered what she'd done. She knew how emotionally volatile Stefan had been, and she knew that Elena would be hurt if she ever found out. There was really no reasoning that could make her actions acceptable.

And yet a part of her missed it. Missed him.

That part of her knew that it was unfair of her to avoid him now. She was still his friend, and he still surely needed her help.

Still, she feared what would happen if she slipped up again. Her mind felt like it was running on an endless loop, spinning in frantic circles around the confusing tangle of emotions he conjured in her now.

She picked up her phone and saw his missed call. She wondered if she should call him back. Or maybe she should call Elena, she still needed to let her know they were back in town.

She called Caroline instead.

The blonde vampire answered with an effusive, wordless shrill. "Bonnie! You're home, I'm so glad you're home!"

The witch couldn't help but smile. She and her friend had been in touch while Bonnie had been in DC, but Caroline still wanted a rundown of anything she'd missed. Bonnie briefly considered spilling the secret of the kiss, but she didn't. She didn't really want to talk about it, and that's all Caroline would want to do if she caught wind of it.

Caroline for her part needed to vent about the argument she and Elena had had that morning.

"I swear half the time she'd keep the blood bag stuff down just fine if she'd stop working herself up with worry."

Bonnie frowned into the phone. "She still can't drink from the bags?"

"No that's the thing, right?" Caroline huffed on the other end of the line. "She freaks out every time and can't keep it down. She's still feeding on Matt every day. Poor guy's looking pretty much terrible lately, but she's just that sure that there's no other way."

Bonnie made a mental note to check in on Matt as soon as she could.

Caroline was still talking. "And then there was the time they compelled him, don't even get me started on that one."

Bonnie felt her breath catch in her throat. "They _what_?

"Yeah, seriously, that's exactly what I said when I heard. Apparently Elena lost control and Damon had to pull her off of him. And he was freaking out so she was freaking out, and Damon just compelled him to forget about it and go home and be cool with being her human blood bag again until the end of time."

Bonnie shook her head. "I can't believe that."

"Well I'm paraphrasing, Bonnie. But you get the gist."

Bonnie sighed. "I'll look in the grimoire tonight to see if there's anything that could help. It's a long shot, but this isn't sustainable. I can't believe they haven't worked something else out by now."

Caroline was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke again, Bonnie could hear the smile in her words. "I'm really glad you're back, Bons."

Bonnie rubbed her neck. "I missed you too, Care." The doorbell rang. "Look, I have to go. Talk to you later?"

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Bonnie saw a familiar face on the other side of the front door as she stepped into the entryway. Her heart leapt into her throat, where she felt it flutter like a trapped bird.

She opened the door. His duffel bag lay beside his feet on the dusty floorboards of the front porch.

"Hey, Stefan."

He gave her a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. She saw the worry that furrowed his brow. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"When we were in DC, you told me once that people like us have to cling to our bliss. That it comes along so rarely that we have to clutch it close when it does."

She was silent, her emerald eyes soft as she watched him.

"I don't have anywhere else to go, Bonnie. You're my best friend, and you're the only good thing I have right now to hold on to."

She exhaled gently, releasing a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "We can't kiss anymore."

He shook his head. "You're right, it was a mistake."

She barely flinched at his words, but it went unnoticed as she bowed her head and stepped aside, allowing Stefan in.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 


	3. Chapter 3

"Grams?" Bonnie muttered dazedly into her pillow, the gentle morning sun bathing her blankets in comforting warmth. The aroma of fresh coffee drifted around her, drawing her back to memories of lazy summer vacations years ago at her Grams' house. The older witch would brew a pot every morning while she slept in.

She blinked her eyes to let in the daylight, and the spell was broken. Still, a part of her wished as she padded down the stairs that she would find her Grams in the kitchen, sipping her second cup of the morning with a quip ready on her lips about young things and spending the better half of the day asleep.

Instead the house was empty, and a post-it note was stuck to the tiles of the counter beside the hissing coffee machine.

_Enjoy the coffee. Out hunting for a while. - S_

A twinge of grief lingered in her chest, but she smiled as she poured herself a cup.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Frail beams of sunlight dappled through the heavy foliage above, kissing the forest floor with the barest luminance. It was more than enough for his enhanced vision, even without the benefits of drinking human blood. He watched the doe silently, waiting for the opportune moment.

Just months ago he'd been in these woods with Elena, teaching her the same tricks he would use to catch his prey today. If only everything were so easy: want, pursue, prevail.

She had been so beautiful and lithe as she ran, like a caged creature freed for the first time. He barely shook his head, careful not to alert the doe to his presence. Transitioning hadn't freed her, it had trapped her in some perverted version of herself.

Elena had always been an innocent in his eyes, despite all of the pain and loss she'd endured in her short lifespan. She wasn't jaded or monstrous the way he and his brother had become. When Stefan was with her, he believed he could be that way again too. As if innocence was still there inside of him, buried just beneath the surface of his skin.

Transitioning should have amplified her compassion and goodness, and yet something changed. What changed? Maybe being a vampire precluded being truly innocent. Forsaken of the love that they'd had, he knew without doubt that this was the case for himself.

His mind swelled with shame to recall the last time he'd lost control, Bonnie's searing magic echoing even now in his brain. He remembered her quiet patience as she laid out the terms of the intervention before disappearing into her bedroom. The memory of her soft words weeks later clung to him, when she had pleaded in her own way for him to not give up and abandon her.

He had never heard the stoic witch so plaintive. She always either fought the bitter battles with her stubborn, contained fury, or retreated into herself when fighting failed. Though he had said nothing at the time, the naked fear in her appeal was branded into his memory.

Only then had it been clear just how much had been stripped from her. She had been betrayed and abandoned and rejected, just as he had. In fact, her mistreatment was even more pronounced than his because, unlike him, her intentions had always remained pure.

He didn't deserve her kindness. None of them did, he now realized. He had been the cause of too much of her hurt. Her motivations were clear, her heart was pure, and he knew that she knew of no other way to be. Still, the injustice of it tugged at him.

She deserved better than him, but he refused to be just another disappointment in her life. That resolution was the determining factor in those dark weeks. That resolution was why he was still standing there at all.

A smug chuckle rumbled nearby. Stefan snapped out of his thoughts as the forgotten doe sprinted away.

"Are you to eat the poor creature or simply stare at it?" Klaus stepped into the clearing where the doe had stood moments before.

Stefan climbed to his feet and turned to walk away.

The hybrid appeared before him in a flash.

"What's the rush, mate? I allowed you a nice little vacation. Time to get back to business, wouldn't you say?" Klaus smirked nonchalantly, but his eyes were firmly planted on the face of the younger vampire.

Stefan stared back defiantly. "I'm not interested."

"I began to believe you wouldn't return. I was even about to send some hybrids to track you down. Hate to waste my time of course, but with your idiot brother sniffing about… desperate times and all, you understand."

Stefan stepped out of the Original's reach, moving around him. Klaus didn't turn to follow him, instead continuing to speak. "That's not all your idiot brother's been sniffing about, from what I hear. You'd really walk away from the one thing that could save your precious Elena?"

Stefan continued to walk away, but he was torn. He knew the dangers of falling back into Klaus' games, and he knew that the wisest course of action would be to walk away from the whole situation. Yet, what if the cure could restore Elena's innocence along with her humanity?

A temptation gnawed at him, murmuring that a human Elena would be an Elena that loved him again. But even as the thought crept through his mind, he knew there was no going back to the naive love that they once knew. Not after hearing her lusty voice moaning his brother's name.

Still, he had loved her. Some part of him still loved her. If she was trapped in darkness, the right thing to do was to guide her back to light, regardless of what that meant for her love of him.

He stopped and turned around. "What do we have to do?" He stared at the hybrid, his decision made.

Klaus smiled, his back still turned to the younger vampire.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Matt's knees knocked against the underside of the tiny breakfast table in his kitchen as he shifted uncomfortably. Bonnie's hands hovered to either side of his head, and he felt a buzzing heat permeating his whole body.

Her breathing was deep and slow, and he found his own matched the pace she set. Time seemed to stretch, and he lost track of how long they maintained the pose, how many breaths they shared.

And just as quickly as it had started, it was over. She took her hands down, and the simmering inside him faded away, leaving the slightest tingle in his fingertips.

She plopped down into the chair beside him. "All done. Not too bad, right?"

He flexed his fingers over the table experimentally. "Nope, not bad." He grinned at her. He figured he'd never quite get used to this supernatural stuff, but no matter how hard he tried to keep away, it seemed like he just got pulled deeper and deeper into it. At least tingly healing spells weren't so unpleasant.

"That should help your vitality some, and make you hardier for a while." Her gaze was strong, and he shifted again under the scrutiny.

She eyed his gaunt cheeks and pallid skin with a heavy sense of remorse. She should have been here for him, or at least checked in often enough to know something was wrong.

"Thanks Bon, you're a lifesaver. I was getting worried they'd take the scholarship back if my game got too bad."

She frowned. "Why would you risk it, Matty? That's your way out of this town, I know what that means to you."

He smiled slightly. He hadn't seen her in so long, but anytime he was with Bonnie their friendship just picked up like no time had passed at all. His smile faded however as he replied, "Elena's the only reason I'm alive."

"That doesn't mean - "

"It was my fault we were on that bridge in the first place."

Bonnie stared at her friend sadly. "None of this is your fault."

The blond shook his head, and Bonnie knew that she wouldn't change his mind. His guilt was a consequence of the honorable type of person he was. She hated to admit that she couldn't convince him, but she knew that she would have struggled with similar feelings, even knowing how wrong the line of thinking was.

"It's not that bad anyway, Bon. You don't have to worry about me." He smiled at her again, reassuringly.

Unfortunately, her fears were anything but soothed. "How can you say that? You're a newborn vampire's personal human blood bag. That's not just bad, that's an accident waiting to happen. Why aren't you more worried?"

Her eyes widened as she saw a familiar blankness overcome his features for a moment. He shrugged.

He was still compelled. Compelled to not be afraid.

She was furious. How could they do this to their friend? Even ignoring the hypocrisy of controlling his mind when Elena had always been so vocal about them not compelling people, they had to know that they were putting Matt in danger by not allowing his natural human instincts to play a part in Elena's feedings.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and smiled as he looked at her in confusion. "Actually, I have to head out. I'll see you at the Grill tomorrow?"

He nodded and stood, wrapping his arms around her. "You're the best, Bon."

She returned his embrace. "Be safe, okay?"

She turned and let herself out through the side door. She had a baby vampire to confront.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Stefan tried and failed to hide his surprise. His eyebrows lifted in disbelief as he stared at the unconscious young hunter chained to the wall before him.

"You kidnapped Jeremy?" he demanded.

Klaus sneered. "Wouldn't want our little friend to go rogue."

Stefan frowned, stepping towards the Gilbert boy.

"Ah, that's near enough, mate. He's quite a handful, I have found. Such a pity he won't be compelled." The hybrid was practically petulant as he complained, but Stefan noticed smears of dried blood at the boy's collar and seeping through his shirt that indicated Klaus had been up to much more than whining.

_Straddle the line in discord and rhyme,_  
_I'm on the hunt, I'm after you,_  
_Mouth is alive with juices like wine,_  
_And I'm hungry like the wolf._

"Duran Duran? Are you serious?" Stefan watched a smirking Klaus pat his pockets, clearly amused with himself while searching for his phone as it rang.

Finally fishing the device from his jacket, Klaus glanced at the screen. "Serious as a stake to the heart, mate." He held his index finger up to Stefan, signaling him to wait a moment as the Original hybrid walked out to take the call.

Stefan turned his attention back to Jeremy Gilbert, standing closer as he studied the chains binding him to the wall of the room. Even in this falsified repose, he was struck by how much Jeremy had changed in the short time since the Salvatore vampire had returned to Mystic Falls.

Gone was the moping druggie, burying the pain of losing his parents in pills and the fickle attentions of Vicki Donovan. Also gone was the sweet but naive boy who had once courted Bonnie only to betray her with the ghost of his ex-girlfriend. The boy who was suspended before him was barely a boy at all, the sinew and spirit of the hunter's curse having transformed him into something even more than a man.

Jeremy's eyes flew open as he drew his arms around Stefan's face, his chain bonds wrapping cruelly around the vampire's throat.

The fledgling hunter had caught him off guard, he realized in a haze as he struggled to extricate himself from Jeremy's hold. Aided by Stefan's vampire strength, their scuffle ripped the heavy shackles from the wall. Wood from the pallet Jeremy had rested against splintered and littered the floor. He finally managed to escape the hunter's grasp.

Stefan rushed forward to restrain him once more, but in a smooth swoop Jeremy managed to grab a piece of the shattered pallet and shove it cleanly into the vampire's gut.

Why did it always have to be his gut? He groaned, falling to his knees.

Jeremy sneered at him for a brief moment before disappearing out the door.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Damon poured himself another scotch. It was five o'clock somewhere, after all. With his brother estranged and Connor dead, he was quickly running out of leads to pursue in their search for the cure. The littlest Gilbert was unsurprisingly useless, claiming to have no idea what was happening to him. Damon suspected otherwise, but he couldn't very well use his usual intelligence gathering techniques on his girlfriend's baby brother.

Being Damon Salvatore was never as easy as he'd have liked it to be.

He'd soon exhaust his options and have to go to Klaus for information. He snorted. Like that would ever happen. There was only one Salvatore who groveled before that overgrown vampire-mutt, and it wasn't him.

It was so much more fun to mock the absent vampire than it was to remember why he was absent in the first place. So that's exactly what he did.

Citrus, honey, sage... now there was an aroma Damon hadn't experienced in a while.

"Bonnie Bennett." He smirked into his tumbler, not bothering to turn and face her.

"Damon." Her voice was low, tightly wound. It was just as he remembered it being, around him anyway.

"Long time no see, Judgy." He spun around slowly, soaking in the sight before him with obvious pleasure. She was dressed in her usual blouse, cardigan and jeans, and he was doused by a wave of nostalgia. He masked the confusion he felt at this, lifting his gaze to take in the familiar sharpness of her emerald eyes and her curls pulled back into a soft, messy bun.

"Not nearly long enough." She hitched the strap of her satchel higher and more securely on her shoulder. "Where's Elena?"

"And here I was sure you'd dropped by to see your favorite Salvatore."

"I don't see Stefan anywhere, so I can't imagine what you mean."

He grinned. "Clever as ever, witchy. You know you missed me." He couldn't remember the last time he'd sincerely grinned.

"Not even a little. Don't flatter yourself, arrogance is such an unattractive quality in a man." She stared at him, unmoved.

"Don't worry, I have many attractive _qualities _that more than make up for it." He found himself grinning again.

His appreciation was quickly shattered as his brain burst in sensations of light and pain.

Bonnie was already angry, the hurt the vampire before her had caused Stefan not far from her thoughts. Damon Salvatore was unbelievable. How could he be so damn smug?

"That's for compelling Matt," she growled as she allowed the aneurysms to subside.

Against what might loosely be called his better judgment, Damon scoffed as he climbed back up from where he had fallen to his knees clutching his head moments before. "_Matt _is fine. It's all under control."

He immediately found himself on the floor again, writhing in an even more severe rush of pressure and pain that threatened to explode his skull.

"Have you even seen him lately? If that's what you call in control, you're completely delusional!" Her eyes widened, rage sweeping over her features.

His eyes were clenched shut in a grimace, but he managed to choke out, "Listen... _witch_. You can't... just suddenly... ride in on your - agh - high horse... with your big opinions - aaagh - when you were... missing while the decisions had to be... made."

She frowned, dropping her focus on the vessels in his brain. He slowly climbed back to his feet, rubbing his temples.

His words hit her harder than she ever would admit to him. She sighed. "Guess that'll teach me to put any trust in your competence."

He rolled his eyes but was soon distracted as he noticed his scotch soaking into the rug beneath his feet, the glass tumbler in pieces. He knelt to assess the damage, his mouth twisting unhappily. "You owe me a Persian rug!"

She snorted. Like that would happen.

"Bonnie?"

The doe-eyed vampire surveyed the parlor in confusion. "Bonnie!" Elena rushed forward and threw her arms around her friend.

Bonnie put her arms around Elena carefully. "Hey Elena."

Elena leaned back with her hands on the witch's shoulders and stared into her face. Bonnie gave her a small grin. "God, I'm so glad you're back!" Elena cried as she pulled her back into a tight embrace.

_She's still the girl I grew up with. She's still Elena. _Bonnie's anger dissolved as her mind chanted the words like a mantra. She wrapped her arms more tightly around her friend.

Bonnie carried shame with her for the way she had treated Caroline when she had turned, though part of her difficulty had stemmed from working through feelings of guilt for her part in the sequence of events. Still, she reminded herself that she needed to do better by her friends this time around.

"Elena, can we talk?" She glanced back at Damon, whose smug smile was firmly back in place. "Alone?"

Damon shrugged. "As much as I'd _love _to join in for girl talk, I have... better places to be."

He placed a quick kiss on Elena's nose and stalked out the door. Elena flopped down on the sofa and launched into a barrage of questions as Bonnie moved to join her. The witch found herself detailing her time in DC somewhat carelessly as her mind wandered.

During Bonnie's time away, Caroline had passed along all of the gossip about Damon and Elena's relationship, clearly disapproving of how little time had passed between Stefan leaving and his brother swooping in. Caroline had every reason in the world to think poorly of Damon, though.

The witch's skin prickled as a memory of Stefan invaded her mind, sitting listless and dull on the futon of their newly rented apartment in DC as she was sprawled out on the floor assembling the coffee table. It took her nearly 4 hours given the vague illustrated instructions, and he never moved. His focus was lost somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, processing or grieving or dwelling on the end of his romance with Elena.

For her part, Bonnie had to wonder if the rush had been all Damon's doing, remembering the conversations she had had with her friend while Stefan was with Klaus. The brunette had vented often and at length about her confusing feelings for both of the Salvatore brothers.

Besides, Elena had always been the type to have a man on her arm and a few waiting in the wings. She'd never really considered it bad thing, it was just the way things always were. A testament to the allure of her best friend. Still, in her mind there was Stefan, staring into space mindlessly as the day slipped away.

The only time she could remember Elena being single was when she broke up with Matt after her parents died.

Matt.

"Elena, I'll tell you everything about the trip later, I promise. I need to talk to you about something." Bonnie nibbled on her lower lip.

"What's wrong?"

She inhaled, finding her resolve. "You can't keep feeding from Matt."

The vampire grimaced, every trace of her previous joy at seeing her friend demolished.

"He's looking really rough, this setup is hurting him even if he'll never admit it. You have to see that."

Elena stared at her hands as they rested in her lap. "I know," she whispered. Large tears escaped her glistening eyes, and Elena let out a sob. "I know it's not working, none of this is working!"

Bonnie placed a hand on her friend's shoulder as she continued.

"Caroline gave up on me already!" she lamented. "I just, I can't do this."

"Sure you can, Elena. You're the strongest person I know."

"No! I can't, I'm trying but I really can't! I can't be a vampire, I never wanted to be a vampire!"

Bonnie raised her eyebrows in alarm as Elena's sobs broke into short, uncontrollable breaths. Her brown eyes widened in panic. She was hyperventilating.

"Elena, calm down. You're a vampire. You don't need to breathe, you're fine. It's okay. It's going to be okay," Bonnie murmured soothingly, her palm rubbing reassuring circles against her friend's back.

Eventually Elena's breathing returned to a normal pace, her eyes closed as she focused on relaxing. _Well that was weird._The witch mentally noted her friend's agitation, wanting to think on it later.

"Look, I was thinking." She gave Elena a tentative smile. "You could feed on me instead."

Elena's eyes widened again. "Oh no, Bonnie I couldn't!"

Bonnie shook her head. "It makes sense. And only until we figure out how to get you drinking from blood bags."

Elena still seemed unconvinced.

"I mean, I have my healing spells, so I can handle it. And I have ways to protect myself if there are any other... problems."

Tears brimmed Elena's eyelids and threatened to overflow once more. "Oh Bonnie, I don't know what I'd do without you." She began crying again in earnest as she pulled the witch into a tight hug.

Bonnie decided Stefan wasn't kidding when he talked about a person's usual emotions being magnified when they transitioned.

She gazed at Elena as they broke apart. "There's one more thing... Stefan is staying with me. I thought you should hear it from me instead of somebody else."

The vampire wiped tears from her cheeks as she seemed to consider her words. "He's... his own person, I mean, he can do what he wants, right?"

Bonnie nodded, her eyes drawn to the pattern of the fabric covering the sofa.

"How is he?"

Bonnie glanced back to her friend. "He's... alright, I think. It took a while, but I think he's doing better."

Elena nodded tensely and said nothing.

Bonnie sat with her friend for a while longer as conversation eventually drifted back to lighter topics. She silently wished that she could be close with Elena again, but part of her worried that they'd grown too far apart over the past year. Even now she found it hard to refuse her friend anything of course, but she longed for the days when things were carefree and easy between them. Those days now seemed too long ago to find again. Still, she wished.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

A cool breeze swept across the porch, heralding the autumn chill that would soon creep across the small Virginia town. The sky was beginning to darken, its fragile clouds whipped into blazen wisps to wreathe the languidly setting sun.

The door shut quietly behind him as he slipped into the house. His stomach pinched uncomfortably with the visceral memory of being impaled by splintered wood, though the wound had already healed.

He kicked off his boots and dropped them beside her ballet flats in the entryway before making his way into the living room. She was curled into the corner of the couch, wrapped in a soft blanket. A mug of hot chocolate balanced precariously on her knees, gingerly cupped in her hands.

He settled himself on the other side of the couch, slouching back into the worn cushions. For a moment neither of them spoke, each finding the silence both comfortable and comforting.

"I went to see Elena." Bonnie had turned her face to watch his reaction.

He gave none. "How did that go?"

Her nose wrinkled slightly. "As well as it could have. You were right about the amplified emotions. It's like she can't see past her own feelings almost."

"She'll learn to control it eventually." His voice was tired, and she regretted breaching the topic of Elena's feelings.

"They were still using Matt for his blood, you know?" She sipped her chocolate, the hot liquid nearly scalding her tongue.

He shook his head and stared at an empty coaster on the coffee table. "Yeah, I saw him at the Grill. He won't be able to handle much more, the human body isn't built for that."

"I know. I'm taking his place for a while."

His head whipped towards her. "You're _what_? Bonnie, you're serious? Why would you do that?" Anger and shock furrowed into his brow, and Bonnie was taken aback by his reaction.

"You of all people know why. It isn't sustainable, I have to fix things if I can." She ran her finger along the rim of her mug.

He laughed, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Do you find this amusing?" She stared at him, confused.

"Not even a little." His mirth disappeared, replaced by something much darker. He returned her stare and they regarded each other silently for a moment before he spoke again. "Isn't it strange that we've been back for less than a week and you're already completely entangled in the mess of Mystic Falls again? It's almost like we never left."

At that, her eyes dropped to her lap, gazing into her mug silently. She didn't have an answer for that.

Seeing her expression, he felt a little guilty for being so hard on her. After all, wasn't he doing the exact same thing by falling back into step with Klaus' vague plots? Her voice broke into his thoughts.

"It was really nice, wasn't it? Back in DC, everything was so easy. Doing things just because we wanted to do them shouldn't have been such a luxury, but now it feels like it was."

He listened to her quietly, watching her as her gaze clung desperately to the mug in her hands.

She tensed as he leaned towards her. His hands found hers, gently pulling the mug from her grip. He placed it on the coaster and took her hand in his own.

He stood, pulling her to her feet and leading her towards the door. His fingertips were cool but firm on her skin.

"Where are we going?" He noticed that her voice was laced with amusement, not worry.

He turned back to her. "There's no reason we can't still live for our own happiness. Mystic Falls doesn't get to take that away."

She smiled at him but didn't seem entirely convinced.

"Come on, I want to show you something." He tugged her towards the door once more.

She grabbed her jacket from its place on the credenza as she followed him, her hand still tucked against his.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Bonnie struggled to keep up with Stefan as he led her through the woods. They delved through the trees and brush, and the sun dipped beneath the horizon, leaving the world awash in the dusky glow of twilight.

Her breath caught in her throat as the trees cleared and Stefan stopped short. She nearly bumped into his back, stunned by the scene laid out before them.

The face of a rocky cliff jutted skywards directly in front of them. Coursing water flowed over the craggy stone, splashing into a crystalline pool below. The flickering of fireflies reflected across the surface of the water as they bobbed lazily in their dance of late summer dusk.

It was beautiful.

The ache in her lungs reminded her that she needed to breathe and she gasped in slightly. Stefan smiled at her.

"The world is still a beautiful place, Bonnie. You and I can't forget to remember that."

She smiled back to him, and his gaze caught in her eyes as the scintillating light of the fireflies was mirrored in their emerald depths. A familiar wave of gratitude swept over her. She felt lucky to have someone to help her remember all she'd been so quick to forget. Lucky to have Stefan.

Her hand dropped to her side as he released it, walking towards the edge of the water. He slipped out of his shirt and she raised her eyebrows. "What are you…?"

"We're going to live a little if it kills us." He grinned back at her as he pulled his jeans and boots off, stepping into the water wearing his boxers.

She grinned back at him but couldn't help the flush that crept across her cheeks. His sculpted body slid into the water as he waded towards the falls.

"I know you didn't come all the way out here to just stare at it," he called back to her. She was staring at something, alright.

Luckily his face was turned away, for her privacy she imagined. She shook her head with an embarrassed smile, pulling off her clothes until she followed him into the chilly water wearing only her tank top and underwear.

Hearing the water disturbed behind him, he whirled around to face her. His hands dragged through the water, dousing her thoroughly.

"Stefan, seriously!" she found herself laughing as she shielded her face with her arm. She tried to splash him back, but he leapt aside with dizzying speed. It was his turn to laugh when she frowned at this.

He waded backwards, continuing to move towards the tumbling falls. With a sly grin, he motioned for her to follow.

She crossed her arms and stood in place with a playful scowl. "I don't know if I can trust you anymore, Mr. Salvatore."

He spread his arms wide, flashing her an accommodating smile. "Why, Miss Bennett. I will have you know, I'm the most trustworthy vampire you will ever meet. Just because I wouldn't let you splash me doesn't mean you can't put your faith in m - "

She gasped as his eyes widened and his torso and head dropped underwater. She rushed towards him but soon stopped short as he shot out of the water a few feet away.

"There's a... It dips there, a little," he explained sheepishly.

She laughed, taking advantage of the distraction to splash him completely. His already drenched hair stuck to his head comically.

"Why you little..." He rushed at her, tackling her playfully and trying to shove her under the water.

Their laughs and the sound of splashing water masked the buzzing of the phone in her jacket pocket, discarded on the sandy shore.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Elena stood on the porch of the house she used to live in with her family. Was that really only two years ago?

The house now stood dark and empty behind her, and she frowned. Damon appeared beside her, rubbing her back comfortingly. He had hoped the joy that had filled her after seeing the witch would last. She'd been mired in her sorrow and worries for so long.

But standing on the Gilbert porch, that joy was nowhere to be found. Replacing it was heavy fear, etched into every line of her face. She dropped the hand that held her phone. "Bonnie isn't answering either."

They both turned to stare at the empty house, wondering the same thing. Where was Jeremy?

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Jeremy flipped his knife shut after putting the finishing touches on one more stake. He tossed it into the corner, adding it to a pile of identical weapons.

Lit by a pair of candles, the cavern was dank and uninviting, and pooling shadows seemed to creep along its walls. But something about it appealed to him now, beyond the fact that it was vampire-proof.

Something about the shadows spoke to him, enticing him with promises of not being powerless for once. Promises of being able to fix all the stuff that had ruined his life and the lives of the people he had loved.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

**A/N: Couldn't help myself with the Duran Duran, sorry. I'm a dork, I know.**

**Thanks for all of your reviews and to everyone who followed and favorited! You guys are so amazing, I freak out every time I get an email notification haha.**

**I had waaay too much fun writing Damon in pain. Why is that so fun? (:**

**Anyway, really hope you liked this chapter, and happy holidays to everyone!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Just a quick FYI to anyone reading this now! I'm currently working on revamping some stuff in this chapter, so by the time the next chapter is up there may be some slight changes. I wasn't too happy with some of the scenes to be honest. Feel free to read it anyway, but the edits will make it better, I promise! :D**

* * *

His eyes followed her as she bustled about the room, arms loaded with clean plates from the dishwasher. Without a word, he set his mug down on the counter and moved to help, storing the still warm forks and spoons in the silverware drawer.

He grabbed the wine glasses next and gave her a knowing wink. It had become a ritual over the months that they had spent together. At first, she had simply looked embarrassed while asking if he could handle putting the glasses away every morning. He never questioned why until he caught her once as he came out of the shower. She knelt atop the counter, her arms reaching to push each glass into its place.

Being short had definite disadvantages, she told him.

He responded by asking why she even kept them on the top shelf then. She shrugged. Her father always had at home, and it seemed like that was where they belonged.

And now he witnessed that firsthand, living in her father's house. And now she was glad she could grab Stefan instead of a stepladder.

His arm brushed her shoulder as he reached up to nudge one of the glasses onto the shelf. She remembered those same arms tight around her as he threw himself into the sparkling water the night before, taking her with him whether or not she was ready.

He saw her smile and wished he knew what she was thinking about. Her eyes were a placid murky green in the morning sun that poured through the window above the sink. The night before, they had been bright emerald awash in the luminous glow of fireflies and moonlight. Then and now, their tilt was mischievous and uncharacteristically carefree.

Without thinking, he used his descending arm to tuck a strand of her messy morning hair behind her ear. An endearing blush crept across her skin.

She realized then just how close they were. It seemed that he towered over her, his hand lingering in her untidy curls. His face was angled towards hers, and she imagined that if vampires needed breath she would have felt his upon her skin.

Given their proximity, she couldn't help noticing that his lips looked soft, his mouth relaxed in blissful distraction. She also couldn't help recalling with a flush of longing the way those lips had once felt against her own.

He knew he needed to draw his hand back from where it twined in her soft tresses, but for the (un)life of him he couldn't seem to remember how. He heard her heart racing, thumping wildly from where it was buried inside her.

He remembered her hesitance after they had kissed in DC and suddenly wondered if her heart was frenzied with excitement or fear. He took a step back, his hand falling to his side awkwardly.

She exhaled.

"I should go hunt, we're almost out of blood." He smiled, and she dazedly nodded as he walked away.

A few minutes later the dishwater was empty, her hair was tied back, and a small mountain of sugary cereal was in her bowl. She opened the fridge and reached for the milk, stopping short at the sight of two full pitchers of animal blood.

Her brow furrowed in confusion.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

The door of the abandoned building was already broken open. Calling it a building was generous really, Stefan thought. It was basically just a wooden shack hidden among the gnarled trees that draped across the craggy rocks that signaled a cavern entrance nearby. The trees grew at odd angles, their exposed roots coiling protectively around the ramshackle structure.

Stefan wondered how long it had been there. He wondered how long Klaus knew about it before telling him to check it out.

Most importantly, he wondered why the door was hanging off its rusted hinges.

The last question was quickly answered when he stepped into the doorframe and found a figure standing motionless a few feet before him. The figure turned his head just barely to eye the newcomer, a shock of black hair shivering atop his head with the slight movement.

"Damon." Stefan spoke flatly.

"Brother." The vampire replied, his lip curling into a relieved half-smile. "A little help?"

Stefan noticed the quarrel embedded deep in Damon's shoulder blade, and thin wires affixed to the shaft extended to some kind of sensors mounted on the walls. Only his brother would find himself in the precarious situation where any excess movement would be set to detonate a vampire-scorching explosion. Again.

Stefan chuckled, and a now familiar darkness twisted in Damon's gut as he recognized the bitterness lurking in the sound.

He winced when his brother tugged the arrow from his flesh. Silently handing the bloody bolt to him, Stefan began moving around to survey the musty place.

"Fool me twice, huh?" Damon smirked. He disengaged the wires to neutralize the detonator, and shook a fist dramatically skywards. "Point for you, Hunter. You're in Hunter heaven now though, so I still win."

Stefan said nothing, his eyes scanning a collection of dusty books in one corner.

"So…" Damon was clearly uncomfortable in his brother's quiet apathy. "I'm thrilled for your company and all, but why the sudden interest in the affairs of Ye Olde Mystic Falls again? It's not like you have to keep yourself in Elena's good graces anymore."

Stefan gave no indication that he heard a word the older vampire had said.

"Hmm, too soon then. So noted." As usual, some part of Damon had decided it would be better to say the wrong thing than say nothing at all.

Wrapping his hand around a particular tome and tucking it into his jacket, Stefan finally spoke. "I'm here to do what's right, as foreign a concept as that might be to you."

With that, he was gone. Damon watched him walk away, finally able to name the visceral darkness he felt roiling wildly inside: regret.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

Caroline couldn't stop fidgeting, Bonnie noticed.

When she first sat down on the sofa in the Salvatore parlor, she wrung her hands. It seemed that she caught herself though and stopped. Soon after, her crossed leg was bouncing restlessly.

Bonnie put a hand on her friend's knee to stop its motion. "This is going to work."

Neither of the vampires sitting before her looked convinced.

She handed the hot mug of Shane's herbal tea to Elena. "Drink this. All of it."

She sipped the brew tentatively, her face screwing into a grimace. "Just _drink _it, Elena!"

Pouting like a reprimanded child, Elena drank the strange concoction obediently.

Caroline would have found this amusing a month ago. That was before she'd reached her breaking point with the new vampire. Sometimes she bitterly wondered why her friend seemed so intent on believing she was the exception to _every _rule.

It must have been the end result of so many years of being the center of attention, and often in life or death situations lately. Often in death or death situations, honestly.

Maybe she just started believing her own hype. Believing that the sun and moon and earth all actually revolved around her and none of the rules counted for anything when your name was Elena Gilbert. Not the "Don't feed on your friends" rule or the "Don't make out with your boyfriend's stupid brother" rule or the "Vampires like to drink blood" rule.

Or maybe it was the doppelgänger thing.

Caroline huffed with annoyance. She sounded like Old Caroline. She was a badass vampire now with her own life and love and excitement. There was no reason to keep getting dragged into Elena's orbit.

She'd walked away, after all. But here she was again.

That was Bonnie's fault, obviously, though she couldn't really blame her for it. Good old Bonnie, still trying to fix everything and everybody, even the ones who went absolutely batshit and couldn't stop crying, like ever. Even the ones who were dating _Damon _of all people. Caroline shuddered.

Maybe Bonnie just loved a lost cause, Caroline thought. She must, to come back to Mystic Falls when she'd gotten so close to escaping for good.

Elena set the empty mug on one of the end tables. "Ugh, okay. Now what?"

Bonnie sat on the coffee table to face them both. She had pulled the heavy drapes shut across all of the windows in the massive room, cloaking the parlor in near darkness.

She lifted a single candle from her satchel on the floor, watching as a flame appeared on the wick with a hungry _whoosh_. It burned with an odd, silvery light.

She held the strange candle between herself and Elena. "Stare into the flame, try to clear your thoughts."

Elena leaned forward, her doe-like eyes trained on the wavering lick of fire. They were all silent for a moment before Elena spoke. "I dunno, Bonnie. I don't feel any different."

"Give it a minute."

Elena stared into the flame more intently, and after a while Bonnie realized she wasn't blinking. Did vampires need to blink?

"Elena?"

"Hmm?" her friend replied hazily.

"Nothing can hurt you right now." Bonnie spoke softly as she held the candle, careful to keep it still.

"Okay." Elena slowly nodded.

"You're with me and you're with Caroline, and you're safe. Okay?"

Elena nodded again.

"How do you feel?"

"Soft." Elena smiled into space and Bonnie couldn't help smiling back.

"There's nothing to worry about here, okay? Any time you feel anxious, just let it slide off you, and me and Caroline will be right here to catch it and take care of it. Okay?"

Elena's head bobbed sleepily.

"Can you drink from a blood bag?"

Elena wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"Will you try it? For me and Caroline?"

The vampire hesitated.

"Remember, you're safe with us. No worrying."

Elena nodded, just barely.

Caroline wasn't sure what to make of the unfolding scene. It was all a little too hocus pocus for her, even knowing Bonnie was a bonafide kickass witch. She held a blood bag towards her friend, and moved to offer it to her.

"Slow, Care. Everything slow."

The blonde nodded, cautiously extending the hand holding the blood towards Elena.

"How do you feel, Elena?" Bonnie asked as the vampire lifted small tube attached to the bag to her lips.

Her friend's reply was muffled by the hand holding the blood bag. "Warm. Like shining."

Caroline bit back a laugh and Bonnie's eyes darted towards her in reproach.

A few minutes later, however, the blood bag was half empty. Elena's eyes were closed, framed by raised red veins. The ghost of a smile clung to the corners of her lips, and she was the picture of contentment.

"Holy crap, it's actually _working_." Caroline's voice broke through the haze, and the silvery flame flickered.

Elena's eyes flew open. She stared at the bag in her hand, throwing it onto the coffee table in panic. "I don't… I don't feel…" She leapt to her feet and ran for the bathroom.

Caroline blushed and began to apologize, but Bonnie just shook her head. "It's okay, that went better than I thought it would for being the first time. At least now it seems like the problem is emotional instead of something else. If we can help her reign in her fear, she might be able to get past this."

Caroline leaned back, falling into the plush cushions with a heavy sigh. "Has anyone ever told you you're kind of amazing?"

Bonnie grinned, rolling her eyes.

Caroline frowned at her friend. "I'm serious. Next maybe you could fix Jeremy. And then Klaus. And then maybe Damon."

"I don't think there's any fixing Damon, Care. Wait." Bonnie turned to Caroline. "What about Jeremy?"

She and the younger Gilbert had grown apart after the painful collapse of their ill-fated relationship, but there was a time when Bonnie had been willing to sacrifice everything to save him. That kind of love was not something that a person like Bonnie took lightly, and traces of it endured despite all that had happened since then. She knew that no matter what, she would always care about him.

"Yeah, Elena said before you got here that he keeps going missing, and he's acting all weird."

"She did call me when he wasn't home last night..." Bonnie flushed, remembering why she'd missed that call at the time. "He's going through a lot with Elena's transition and the Hunter's mark and stuff, though. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Hope you're right." Caroline's crossed leg was bouncing again.

Bonnie made a mental note to check in with Jeremy.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

She didn't have to wait long for her chance.

Walking to her car with her arms burdened by grocery bags, Bonnie bumped into the Hunter later that afternoon. She gladly relinquished a number of the heavy bags when he offered to help her. She watched him carefully for any strange behavior, but as he loaded the bags into her trunk, everything seemed rather normal.

He smiled at her a little less than he used to, perhaps, but she somewhat guiltily imagined that that might be because they'd grown apart.

Other than that though, he was the same old Jeremy. All awkward laughs and chatter and sweetness.

"I heard Stefan's living with you at your place." He placed the last of the groceries into the car as he spoke, punctuating the vampire's name with the heavy _whoomph _of the door closing hard.

Bonnie smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, staying at the boardinghouse wasn't really an option anym – "

"Are you fucking him?" His eyes bore into her face with a suddenly piercing glare.

_Whoa. That's not the same old Jeremy._ Bonnie stared at him. "Where is this coming from?"

A low growl rumbled in the Hunter's chest, and Bonnie's eyes widened as he grasped her arm, sharply yanking her to him. He thrust his face towards hers, the words spilling from a twisted sneer that looked completely foreign on his soft features. "You of all people should know better than to keep messing around with them."

Her mind worked frantically, trying to remember if any of the defensive spells she knew to ward off vampires would work on a human without killing him. Tugging her arm futilely and unable to escape his cruel grip, she replied, "What do you even mean by 'them?' Let me go, Jeremy, you're scaring me."

He laughed, dropping her arm forcefully as he turned to stalk away. "Maybe you ought to be more scared, Bonnie."

She wanted to rub her bruised arm but didn't. Instead, she climbed into her car, locking the doors. In her rearview mirror, she watched him until he was gone.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

"Good news, mate." Klaus sauntered into the spacious living room of the Mikaelson mansion.

Stefan didn't move from where he sat on one of the lavish armchairs. "Do tell, you know I live for your good news."

"Impertinent," Klaus muttered under his breath. "You really should consider adopting a better attitude. After that little fiasco with the Gilbert boy, you've no place to be cocky." He smirked.

Stefan ignored him. "So, you gonna tell me this good news or…? I've got other places to be."

"Lucky for you, it seems we won't need the slippery Hunter after all. The grimoire you found in Connor's den of evil is our loophole."

Stefan kept his face impassive, saying nothing.

"So gather up your witch and let's get started."

The younger vampire frowned. "You have your own witches."

"Bennett witches, mate. Spelled the curse, break the curse. Seems a quick way to get your entire bloodline slaughtered if you ask me, but you know witches. Stubborn little martyrs." Klaus lifted the grimoire in question from his desk, flipping it open nonchalantly. "But just think, if she happens to die like the one who bound them, you'll have killed both her and her mother. You have to admit there's a pleasing symmetry to it."

Stefan knew the Original had caught on to his discomfort. He was taunting him. "Forget it, Klaus."

Klaus feigned surprise. "But what of dear Elena? Just a year ago your love for her was strong enough to counteract compulsion, _my _compulsion mind you, and now you abandon her for some little witch? Be still mine unbeating heart, what is this betrayal?" He gripped his chest dramatically.

Stefan smiled, his eyes cold. "Curing Elena is the right thing to do, but not at the expense of innocent lives. Especially Bonnie's. Find another way."

Klaus was clearly unimpressed. "Get your act together, mate. Or I'll take care of things myself."

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

He told her everything that night. The comfortable familiarity of sitting together on her couch watching the Daily Show was interrupted by his confession, and she pulled away from where she'd been leaning against him. But he was unwilling to leave her in the dark when she might be in danger.

She was quiet. "So that's where you went this morning?"

"Klaus asked me to check out one of Connor's old safehouses."

She nodded, tracing the pattern on her throw blanket.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. When he spoke, his voice was tinged with weariness. "Maybe we never should have left DC. The lease isn't even up for another 6 months."

She struggled to pinpoint the hurt she felt at discovering his secrecy. Was she upset that he left her out of the loop, angry that he had dropped another scenario in her lap where she'd need to choose between saving Elena and saving herself, or worried that he was willing to go to such lengths again for Elena at all? All three, she decided, and she wasn't sure what exactly that meant.

"Are you going to go through with it?" Her voice was tight.

He raised his head to stare at her, surprised. "Of course not. Not if it means sacrificing people."

Her eyes remained on the blanket draped across her legs.

He leaned closer to her, his hand grasping her knee. "Not if it means sacrificing you."

She blushed but didn't meet his gaze.

"Bonnie, I know I haven't always given you good reason to trust me with your safety, and I regret that more than I can even say. I'll never let anyone put you in harm's way again. Not Klaus or me or anyone."

She shook her head. She lifted her eyes and asked a question she felt she already knew the answer to. "Why were you so desperate for it? Why need the cure so badly that you'd work with Klaus behind our backs again?"

The anger in her words wasn't lost on him. "Elena… she isn't herself anymore." He saw her raised brow and continued. "No, I know there's no going back for us. But I can't let her get lost in that darkness if there's a way to help her find light again."

She shook her head again. While a part of her was relieved to hear he wasn't trying to revive their old relationship as she had suspected, his words still filled her with frustration. Even after all his time away from Elena, he hadn't found perspective on her. He was still putting her on some pedestal that she never belonged on to begin with, holding her to some idealized version of herself.

"Stefan," she spoke, laying her hand over his where it still rested on her knee. "She's not a different person now, and being human again won't turn her into the Elena that's in your head. You and I both know that becoming a vampire doesn't change who you are. I learned that lesson the hard way and hurt Caroline a lot while learning it."

"This is who Elena is and always was. Yes, she's more emotionally volatile from the transition, but her personality isn't drastically altered the way you're thinking it is."

She nudged his hand and slipped her own underneath instead, letting their fingers intertwine. He watched their hands silently. "I know Elena better than anyone else, we're sisters. She isn't perfect by any means and never has been. She's compassionate and thoughtful, but she's also prone to worrying and martyrdom and self-centeredness. And those things are amplified just as much as her empathy and compassion."

"Now that she's a vampire, she feels like she's weathering her worst nightmare. The anxiety and stuff is even more prominent."

He wanted to defend his vision of his ex-girlfriend, but when he looked at Bonnie he saw that there was no resentment or bitterness in what she had said. She stated everything as simple fact, the truth she'd clearly gleaned from years of observation.

"I know it feels like she's floundering, but she'll find her way. She's stronger than she seems, she always has been. And she's lucky enough to have people like you who care so much about her after everything."

Stefan saw her mouth twist sadly. He brought their hands up and placed his lips on the center of her palm. Despite the coolness of his touch, she felt heat radiate from where his lips met her skin, pulsing through her.

"She's lucky to have you, Bonnie. We all are, and we don't deserve it."

Her lips spread in a smile. "You keep saying that. If _you_ don't deserve good things, who possibly could?"

"You, obviously." He returned her smile, intertwining their fingers again as a muted Colbert went unnoticed on the screen across the room.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

"So you can tell me the truth, Bonnie. Is there something going on with you and Stefan?"

The question made Bonnie feel strangely defensive. She didn't want to say no, even though it was sort of the truth. Maybe the "sort of" was the problem. Either way, saying no just felt wrong.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" Bonnie dabbed at her bleeding wrist, preparing to bandage it once more.

"Well, is there?" Elena had a little blood at the corner of her mouth, but she didn't seem to notice. She eyed her friend unhappily.

The witch sighed, handing Elena a fresh towel and motioning towards her lips. "No, we're just close friends."

Elena's stare didn't soften. "I know you're just being a good friend, but I guess you wouldn't tell me anyway. I don't need to be protected anymore, Bon."

Bonnie stopped cleaning her wrist, feeling annoyance bubbling up inside. "There isn't anything going on, okay? We just take care of each other. Like friends are supposed to do."

Elena let out a breath. "Okay then."

Her friend was visibly relieved, and Bonnie suddenly realized that that reaction bothered her. A lot.

Elena continued, "And then can you promise that you'll never go there with him?"

The witch's eyes snapped up to stare at the vampire. "Why would you ask that? You already have your own boyfriend."

Elena crossed her arms and defensively replied, "It's not like that. Things are just… touchy for me about Stefan."

Bonnie suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and said nothing.

"And isn't that like part of the sister code, you don't date your best friend's ex?" Elena shifted her weight, the growing tension clear in her taut, jumpy muscles.

Bonnie sighed, shaking her head.

Elena leaned forward, grabbing Bonnie's shoulders. "Just promise, Bonnie. If you aren't together, then what's the big deal?"

Bonnie shook free of her friend's grasp. "I'm not promising anything like that." She glanced back up and took an involuntary step backwards. Angry veins had begun to form around Elena's eyes as they flickered down to Bonnie's still-bleeding wrist.

In less than a moment, Elena was vamped out and Bonnie was shoved hard against the wall with the vampire's snarling face inches from her own.

In even less time than that, Elena found herself moaning on the floor, suffering from a wave of brain-crushing aneurysms. As the pain subsided, she sat up and looked at her friend as if having woken from a trance.

Heavy tears collected and tumbled down the vampire's cheeks, the skin smooth and pale again now. "Oh my god, Bonnie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Elena's arms were immediately wrapped around Bonnie's frame.

Bonnie was dazed. She rubbed Elena's back comfortingly as she stood in her friend's embrace, trembling.

Elena had attacked her. Elena. Her sister.

She felt lost and somehow strangely lighter.

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**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I've been kind of driving myself crazy over it the past couple of days, writing and rewriting things over and over.**

**I realized there wasn't as much Stefonnie as I wanted in the last couple chapters, so I hope you liked there being a little more this time. There'll be even more from here on out, thanks for being so patient with the slow build you guys!**

**And wow, your reviews were so fantastic after the last chapter, thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a note, it honestly means a TON to me. Y'all are amazing (:**


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